Live High, Live Mighty

2011 GIRLS GENERATION TOUR

Oh hell, I’ve just been to the best concert ever!(personal)

How could have the hand from above created them so perfectly?!

Ok, all my fanboy instincts are surging out. It has seriously been one hell of a night! Still, it could have been way better.

• The fans weren’t exactly that good
• The girls aren’t enjoying it at their best as well( I think)

Enough of the fan part, now let me get on to the normal me. The reason I’m getting this down, because if I know I don’t, that feeling ain’t going to go away. It was so surreal.

At the age of 20-23, the girls are already at the top. Internationally known, record sales, overwhelming fame, fat wallets(maybe?). People like us, similar in age, but life?

Definitely, we have all only seen the good parts that are supposed to be shown to us, but come to think of it, aren’t they humans too? What any other girls in 20s want, they want it too, just that they have achieved what others have not been able to do so. They are humans too, so why are we so crazy over them? God knows.

It’s a touchy topic. You can go on about them being just like any other person, but once your idol comes out, you go gaga over them, just like me. Still, I believe it’s not mission impossible to know people like them or whatever it may be. Matter of faith and determination, just like any other thing.

I don’t know what happened to me, it could be a part of me that craves for love and care, but certainly I’m glad what happened had happened.

Again, the girls were so pretty, so awesome. It may sound like a joke to you, but they have changed me quite a bit, shook and reaffirmed my ideals and beliefs.

SNSD daebak!

I need someone, someone to be there for me.

crossroads

Ok I’m back again. Left with a decision to make now, but I ain’t ready to make that decision yet. Give me a few more days and I’ll be back with the answer.

why

Hi. Looks like the previous wasn’t my last. I’ve really got no idea who to talk to,which is why I’m here again. The old saying that goes, ‘When a man worries, it’s either money or woman matters’ couldn’t be more true. Also, I once saw this. ‘An emotional pain last only for 12 minutes. Any longer is self-inflicted.’ So why the fuck am I giving myself so much stress and pain for? She’s out there somewhere now,having a vacation. Exact location no idea, didn’t had the courage to ask. Even asking and telling her hopefully she’ll get over her past quickly, I had to go through a forum, anonymously, till she discovered. Pathetic much? As usual. The other day I also happen to chance upon the fact that I’m not in her following list in twitter. So she had no idea that all this while I’m tweeting about her or how much ripples she had caused in my life, and is still doing so. She has no idea how… Crazy I’m over her. She’s having her time with her family. I’ve no idea where she is and all I could do is just to get into Facebook or twitter, read through all the updates she posted and sit there staring at it. Smiling stupidly if her update was something cheerful,joyous or looks like she’s having fun and smiling. Blindly carrying that almost non existing ray of hope that maybe the next update could be about me or directed to me. There are so much things in me. If I didn’t have this avenue of writing out, I’ve got no idea what or how I’ll turn into. It may sound exaggerated, but that’s how things are. So much is weighing down on my heart and mind, I don’t know how to get it off. Sometimes I really wanted to give myself a slap and just wake up, tell myself to just fuck off and give up the idea. Sometimes I just want to get so drunk that I won’t remember anything. All the time I just keep wishing that I’m able to talk to her, call her on the phone and chat, tell ber how much I miss her and want to be there for,with her.

had been,now being,will always be

Been weeks, or maybe even months since I was here. I guess I’ve probably grown out of the age of writing a blog. 

I’ve got  no idea whether would this be my last post, but now I’ve got so many things in me which i can’t possibly tell her now, or anyone at all.

My life has had its ups and downs so far. Can’t possibly say I’m coping well but at least I’m alive and kicking.

To the main point. Honestly, She has been in my mind for so many years. 4, maybe? I admit in the midst of these years there were 1 or 2 that walked into my life, but not a moment she was out of it. She had her relationship, I kind of had mine. Sadly, it wasn’t the one nor a true one. 4 years down the road, I still haven’t found my Ms Right, if that’s what they call it. Or it could have been her all along, but I didn’t have the opportunity to affirm it.

Optimistic, outgoing, family oriented, mature and the list goes on. I had always been so mesmerized by her, believed it or not. What’s amazing is, no matter what, all along I have never been able to get her out of my head.

All her problems, all her troubles, all her misery, every single time I’ve never fail to wish that I can shoulder everything for her. All I want to know is that she’s happy, though I’m not able to see it.

Been like 4 years since I last saw her, or even talk to her, or even hear her voice. Pathetic much? I think so too.

I don’t know what has her previous boyfriend done, that made her still unable to let go of it, after I believe what had been sometime. I’m depress for the fact that only if she tries to open up to me, let me walk into her life and share all her burden with me , I could be so so so much better to her. She will be my princess and I’ll do to my utmost ability to never let her drop a tear again.

I’ve tried and tried, but it seems like I’ve got to try even harder than now.

I want to be able to call her my darling one day, ask her to be my woman. I want her to be able to sleep in peace every night, knowing that I’ll be there when she opens her eyes the next morning. I want her to be able to not fret whenever she has a problem, because she knows she can lean on me, and I’ll be her support when she gets to tired. I want her to be blissful and smile from her heart, because I’ll bring her all the joy. I want her to be able to be herself, when she’s around me.

There’s so much that I’ll do for her…

I know she probably won’t come across this and read it, but I just wanna tell her,

You can always count on me during your darkest moments, even if everyone has turned their back on you.

You know you can, Cherie .

It’s a lie when I say my heart and mind is completely empty now, with nothing or no one in it.

reminiscene the past, create the future

First thing of all, i feel like an old man. Having aches and sores repeatedly around my neck and shoulder.

Was on the way home just now after a good cup of coffee and some light chatting with a friend that i run into another friend which i have not met for a freaking long time. She still looks the same though. Pretty, bubbly, sporty, the way almost exactly how she is when i found her 4 years ago. The best part that’s happening now is my friend seems to be interested in her.

Back then, we were still so young, so “innocent” in a way and whoever the boyfriend/girlfriend back then was the whole world.

Not that I’m saying it does not feel this way now, anyone in love will feel it that way, but as compared, we are being bombarded by so much more burden, troubles and responsiblity now. Love itself is pure, but as we go from our teens to our adulthood, we seem to intoxicate. If you survive that phase, love at your last moments return to its purest form. That’s what i feel.

It’s nice to look back once in a while. Think back, 1 year, 2 years, 5 years ago what was I doing? You won’t be suprised how much you will laugh at yourself for all the silly stuffs, all the naive mentality and “cute, little actions” we put into play previously. However, take it with a pinch of salt. Look back, have a good laugh, learn from it and move on. No point being trapped in past ehs, for the past is the past.

So now, I hope 2011 will be nice and please, really do let it be nice.